Change
by WolfiesLittleMoon
Summary: We all know Remus Lupin is a Werewolf, what we dont know is what that is like, to change into something so different from ourselves


Watching Madame Pomfrey walk away from the whomping willow always gave me the shivers. There was something about her walk that I found disconcerting. Sighing I slide down into the tunnel and climb the stairs into the bedroom where the rest of the marauders are waiting for me. I smile as I stop in the doorway looking at my three very best friends. James Potter, the unspoken leader and quidditch player. Sirius Black, the heart-throb and the real prankster. Peter Pettigrew, the follower and the shy one. Then there was me – Remus. J. Lupin – I was the smart one, the sensible one, the safe one. That's what they believe. That's what they know. But what they don't know was that I was dangerous, unsafe, cursed. The other's – Sirius, James and Peter – don't see it like that, but how could they not. I was a monster, nothing would change that.

Sirius looks up and smiles at me slightly. He always enjoyed this, it was fun for him, I don't say anything. Let him have his fun. I don't think he would be able to handle it if it was the other way around.

James and Peter look up from their game of exploding snap when they hear the creak of the floorboard as I walk in the room and sit down beside them.

"Everything ready?" James asks frowning. He doesn't enjoy this you can tell. He wishes that I wasn't what I was, not because he doesn't like me being what I am, he accepts that it is part of me and lily is part of him, but because he worries for me – worries for the days ahead where we can't do this anymore. When there will be no marauder's we will all be working our respective jobs and they won't be able to help me anymore.

"Yes. Poppy has the pain relief all set and ready waiting for the morning." I tell him leaning back against the bed. It wasn't very stable from past transformations.

"Are you ready?" he asks peering at me over his round glasses. I smile slightly and nod but he doesn't look convinced. I don't blame him, I wouldn't be either. I could never be ready.

James, Sirius and Peter are all quiet, leaving me to my thoughts. They have learned over the years.

"You do realise this is the last transformation at Hogwarts we have left. We only have little over a month before we leave." Sirius says breaking the silence. He was never one who enjoyed the quiet.

"Oh yeah. What are you going to do Moony?" Peter asks in that blunt way he always seems to have. I shrug.

"They are realising a new potion soon, a prototype kind of thing, which will help me keep my mind when I change – I think – the article wasn't very clear. And we still have to basement at the house. So it won't be too hard. Are you all training to be aurors?" I ask although I already knew the answer. But it was a sure way of changing the subject.

"Yeah. Me and Sirius have asked to be trained together. And lily is going to move in and marry me."

"WHAT!" three voices sound out all at once.

"She is going to say yes, when I ask her on the last day. There is no way she can refuse. We're friends now and I can see it in her eyes she loves me too." He tells us looking smug I shake my head and look out of the window. There is light on the horizon which means the moon will be up soon, and then the wolf will tear free, painfully.

"It's time" I say in a sombre voice. That gets everyone moving. James and Peter pack away the cards and Sirius pulls me up onto my feet so that I am lying on the bed, the most comfortable spot in the room. They then all go and stand with their backs to different walls. Sirius at the one with the door, James on the one with the window, and Peter at the one facing the bed. There is a shooting pain in my back and I intake a breath of air with a hiss. The guys start changing and next time I look they are all sitting there looking at me in their animagus forms. A Stag, a Rat and a Dog. I smile grimly and close my eyes. The pain is unbearable but I don't make a noise. I never do, not since third year not since I learnt to control the pain. Not focusing. If I don't focus on the pain it doesn't seem so bad. It's still there but it is not at the front of my mind. I can feel it inside of me coming out. Slowly, painfully, knowingly inflicting pain. I open my eyes and everything goes dark.

Disclaimer: Only the plot is mine. Everything else belongs to Rowling.


End file.
